Hell Week

Really??? What a totally f'ed up week. Training took a back seat while I tried to figure out which side was up and what the frick I was going to do about it.... Long story short, things are on the up...going up the hill, it will be a tough climb, but it will be worth it. How do you cope when someone you care about tries to commit suicide. I don't like it, don't get it, but most important, blame me all you want, but it's NOT my fault. I care about you and I love you, I want to stay close to you, I do not want to be your "air" or the reason you live. I want you to be you, the best you you can be... if you can't do that, we will never be us again. I am not making a promise that we will be us, but I can promise if you don't pull your head out of your ass, it will NOT happen...

Mmmm, tough love...

and where am I? Confused as shit and once again, forced in the role of the strong one... when do I get to be the weak one, break down and cry? Although... I hate crying and I think I have mourned enough over this loss. I just long to have big, strong arms wrapped around me and hold me and tell me everything will be okay, I am doing a good job and I am loved. I need that physical holding. I know in my heart God is telling me this and he is holding me, but I can't feel it... I need the human touch... Is that what I need to learn??? That I need to just trust in God and that I really don't need that physical touch??? God, I just want to be held. Like when I was little and sick and my Daddy would just wrap his arms around me and hold me until I feel asleep...

I did get to run 3 miles yesterday, outside no less! Yeah. Meet Courtney at the Vestal rail trail, a little windy, but it was great to get outside!

Did 1/2 hour on the trainer tonight, then about 35 min in the pool. Lost count of yardage, but somewhere around 1200. Been too long! Refocus February is going well...I think!

Planning on running tomorrow. Bible Study at 6:30.

Thursday is marriage counseling, then swim (maybe =))

Friday I go see Grace. Run?? Bike??

Puppy Update

What a week. I have learned many valuable lessons. The most important is that you should not always think with your heart, sometimes you should listen to what your head says... I also learned that sometimes the first impression you get of someone is not always the proper one. Mmmm, the Big Guy has really been looking out for me, teaching me some real good lessons!!!

So, needless to say, puppy has a new home and he will be much happier. Someone who will love him and be home more often and on a regular schedule!!!

Exercise took a back seat this week. Bad bad month so far. Time to regroup. Yikes. Need to find a new HIM to do. Work schedule got all mucked up because we had somebody leave, so I have to cancel some of the races I had planned on doing. Like I said....Bad bad month...

Onward and upward!!!!!

Arg

Well, did I mention I got a puppy...why? No clue. Not only did I get a puppy, he's a toy poodle... What was I thinking??? Why didn't someone stop me??? Ugh...but he sure is cute and lovable, but a pain in the ass!!

So, my weight for today was 185, yes!! No training tonight because I went to a running clinic... injury free this year is the goal. So, hey, why not. No training tomorrow either...marriage counseling, meh, and Bible Study...sigh... Did I mention how stupid I am for getting a puppy???