So here I am... the prime of my life... turning 40 in a few short weeks... buying my first house... I will call it my first because even though my name is on the mortgage of the other one, I got it by default. I didn't pick it out, although we made a lot of changes and more were in the works for the future. I am headed for divorce... after spending most of my 20's and all of my 30's with the man of my dreams... only to have it come crashing down around me. The dreams we had of having a hobby farm..gone. No way I can do all that on my own. The moo's are gone, empty pastures growing up with weeds. The plan to raise the "family" cow, gone.... My boy Generator... sold... Ducky the mama moo...gone... the most awesome bull Cletus, gone... all my babies... sigh... All the time and money invested in fences, machinery, research... I will buck up and try not to think of it as time wasted, but lessons learned. Life, Death, the joy of watching babies born. The sadness of them not making it.
So, yes, the county girl is buying a city house... my county dogs are gonna flip when they move to the city, but it will be so good to have them back with me. I have looked long, and hard down the path... knowing that sometimes you have to go the wrong way to get where you need to be... think about the Salmon swimming upstream, fighting the current, just so they can have future generations to carry on... (I want to go see this sometime!!)
It really is a bright new future, it's just had to see it sometimes. The hardest thing for me is being on my own. Always had someone in my life... been such a needy person. Really, getting my identity from the person I was with. Sad. Its really hard figuring me out, but it is ...well... fun at the same time. I think there are a few people out there who may think I am a little ... crazy... oh well. I have to work on being patient, not rushing or pushing for things to happen. When it is right, it will fall into place.
On that note... off to start my day.
